tired of...

lots of things. being the oldest. being responsible. going to school. having to plan dinner. having to make dinner. living in my house. doing homework. having to think. having to plan. listening to the problems of everyone in my house. not being able to feel anything. living with the constant personality struggle in my head. feeling like i’m always wrong. having to be what my mom wants me to be. being seen as a little kid instead of the adult that i am. not being able to do what makes me happy. 

whatever… i get it. and i’ll deal with it. eventually i’ll be able to change all these things and then i’ll be free to be me.

not that it gets read...

But I'll blog again. I don't really know what to blog about. I keep getting told that a good blog has a topic and a direction but I can't see to find a topic that I know enough about to blog about it. I know lots of little things about lots of things but not enough to say I could blog about any of them. I've been spending a lot of time thinking about lots of things lately and wondering if I really have a purpose. and if I do what is my purpose? I guess I'll figure it out eventually. For now...


Feel loved and safe.
A Thiarna, déan trócaire.

sigh...

Today was pretty good for me. Spent time with someone special and REALLY enjoyed myself. It’s amazing how just sitting and talking to someone who makes you feel amazing and special and like what you say really matters can make you feel like… well… that you really matter. There were only two problems with today. One… my stalker decided that he wanted to talk to me and body blocked the dang door when I tried to walk past. I seriously think he waited for me to come back and I shouldn’t have gone there. I should have just gone back upstairs. The other thing that killed my buzz is that my dad got mad at me over something stupid and started yelling the whole way home. Upside to being home is that I was alone for a while and got to talk to Mr. Amazing and now I’m feeling better. So all in all today was pretty good to me. :) I’m really happy about that.


Feel loved and safe.
A Thiarna, déan trócaire.

I... am ashamed...

I haven't been posting as often as I should have been but in my defense... I've had a lot going on. Between school and theater, I have friends I've been talking to and so my blogging kind of fell off the wagon... I've been daydreaming again... and wishing. I keep coming across pictures of the ring I want. It's a beautiful Irish traditional ring that gets passed down from parent to child but my family doesn't have one so... I'd have to get my own. Sara showed me that Avon's latest campaign has my ring for $20 but I don't currently have any money so... I'm stuck. I don't really know what to write so I'm going to keep this pretty short.


Feel loved and safe.
A Thiarna, déan trócaire.