FOR SHAME!!!

I haven't blogged in like 2 weeks. In me defense I've been pretty sick. It's not fun for me seeing as we have opening night in about 4 days. NUTS!!! I'm really excited about it though. Looking forward to shows this time. We're doing "Godspell."


Here is the info:


"Come laugh, cry, and be merry with us at Colabo Theater's production of Godspell! Bring a friend! At Family Music Center, Friday April 29, at 8 pm, and Saturday April 30, at 2 and 7 pm. Tickets are 12 for adults 10 for children. For more information on purchasing tickets please call 702-742-6109"


Feel loved and safe.
A Thiarna, déan trócaire.

I'M FREE!!!

Ran across my stalker today. He just said hi and let me keep walking. So happy to be free of him. I don't want to count my ducks before they hatch but for now I'm happy that he's not bothering me. Another thing that happened today. I got to be part of a group that was interested in the idea that I pitched for our group project. A new bag for Tuesdays and Fridays since I only have one class on those days. Lighter backpack means less pain in my back. Less pain means a happier me. Happier me means less stress. I can handle less stress. Anything to keep my mind from that black place that seems to haunt me and deprive me of my best sleep. On the down side, I've been sick ever since my plane landed in Las Vegas from Long Beach. I will say this... I prefer the feel of the Long Beach Airport to the Las Vegas airport. It's small and a lot less security issues. My sick has included loosing my voice, a 101.2 degree fever, shakes, runny nose, and a cough that won't quit... But I'm getting better now. 


Feel loved and safe.
A Thiarna, déan trócaire.

"Nothing is so common, as the wish to be remarkable."

William Shakespeare said that. The man truly knew what he was talking about. Even 1400 years ago. I mean think about it. How much importance does our society put on being in the public eye? How important is it to the people of the US to be famous? To be recognized for what we can do. For what we accomplish. Seems a little crazy but it’s totally true. Even I have fallen victim to the wish to be famous and recognized for what I can do. In the end, I need to remember that everything I can do is a gift from God and that He truly deserves the fame.


Feel loved and safe.
A Thiarna, déan trócaire.

I sometimes wonder if they really understand the way that I'm feeling. I'm so tired and the pressure gets to me sometimes. The worst part is that I just got home from one of the BEST weeks of my life. I did some things I've never done before and ACTUALLY enjoyed doing them. Why does it have to be so much drama when I decide to show some independence and decide to be an adult for once? Going to try and get some jobs booked so that I can leave this place again. Is it sad that all I want to do is get out of here? That I don't want anything to do with my family anymore? That my friends support me better than the people who are supposed to support you? Is it wrong for me to want to be who I feel I need to be and not who they always saw me as? I've grown and changed and made some discoveries about myself and quite frankly I think I should be allowed to be who I feel I need to be. I haven't changed my heart about anything but I've decided to change somethings on the outside. Why is that so much of a problem? And why do I have to be the one to carry the weight of the problems in my house? When did the word "family" begin to mean that the mother and father start dumping their problems on the children? Oh wait. Child. Because the other one is either at work, the gym, band practice, or sacked out in his room avoiding the world. It's not really fair because I don't really want to know what's going on. I just want to feel happy and loved and safe and be left in my happy bubble where none of the bad stuff can touch me. Do they know that by telling me the bad stuff that's bugging them and bringing them down brings out the blackness that haunts me? I mean I understand that everyone needs to vent but my venting would get me judged and I have to deal with all of their venting. It exhausts me to no end and I don't know how much more of it I can take. I think something inside of me has told me that it's time to move out of my parent's house and find a place of my own. I need a job and I need to find a place and just go. There's too much drama here and too much pressure to be who they want me to be and not who my heart tells me I'm supposed to be. Why can't they just be happy for me? Why can't I just be who I am and why does it have to be THEIR life for me and not MINE? I just wish they could see that I'm 22 years old and that I can use my brain and that I can make my own decisions about what is good for me. I think I'm done venting now. I'll stop boring you with my exhaustion. 


Feel loved and safe.
A Thiarna, déan trócaire.