Only 42 hours...

Til I leave my house for California for a while and getting out of my house. Time for a change of scenery and some other things are going to be changing too but I can't tell you what they are. You'll just have to wait and see. I'll get a break from what's been going on in my house and a break from my brother. It will be nice. Going to spend some time with my sister. Short blog is short. Sorry. Not much to say.


Feel loved and safe.
A Thiarna, déan trócaire.

For shame, Angel...

I haven't posted in a long time. For shame. In my defense I've been venting to an ACTUAL person instead of just the internet. And I've been doing homework and planning for my trip. I'm looking forward to that A LOT. I'm going to be doing something crazy while I'm gone but I'm still not telling you what it is. I'll probably be posting pictures. If I don't post them while I'm in Cali I'll post them when I get home. I finished my speech class today. Only one test to go and I'll be done for the quarter. YAY!!! No more school for a whole week. I'll be going to the beach and hanging out and just having some quality time with my sister. Is it weird that I've already started packing and I'm not leaving til Tuesday? I'm just super excited I guess. It's been about 2 years since I spent any real time with my sister. The only down side is that I'll be leaving my Sara behind. I'll be talking to her online though. It's kind of funny because my sister is as excited about talking to Sara on my computer as Sara is to talk to my sister. It's going to be fun. That's all I know. I'm not looking forward to my afternoon class. It's going to suck. But hopefully I'll get out early. For now...


Feel loved and safe. 
A Thiarna, déan trócaire.

Feeling like...

At the moment I’m feeling hurt and alone. It’s been a rough day. I know you’re allowed to have other friends and that you want me to be a part of your other life but it’s hard to combine old and new parts of your life. I’ll try my best to be a part of it but it’s kind of hard for me. I felt left out today even though I was included in the game and it was easy to laugh. I felt lonely and out of the loop. I missed you today. Wanted to spend some time just the two of us to talk and catch up kind of. It’s been an off week and I’m sorry if I let you down at all. I know that my blackness gets in the way of everything and that it screws up my relationships. I hope this doesn’t damage anything but I felt I should let you know how I’m feeling. I don’t want to hide things from you. You’re my best friend and I hope that my feelings from today don’t screw anything up for us. 

Gah!

I don’t know why it’s so hard to come up with titles for these things. I really don’t know what to write about but I’m blogging. Slow class today. Not much going on. Not looking forward to blogging for my afternoon class final. Getting myself well prepared for my Thursday morning class. Not really worried about my Tuesday classes. I’m well prepared for them. Today is St. Patrick's Day so I’m all decked out in green and everything Irish I could actually think that I have. If only I had a sweater that was green or had a Celtic knot on it… again with the wishing. I really gotta stop that. It’s not good for me. I was told once that I should never wish for the days to go faster because that’s my life that I’m wishing away. BUT! I’m really excited for my spring break. I’m going to be doing something crazy while I'm in Cali and I’m not telling you what it is. You’ll have to wait til I come back and then you’ll see it. I might post pictures but I’m not sure yet… we’ll see.

wow...

Too many days I didn't post. I'm sorry. Been a little busy. Prepping for finals is not that much fun. I'm not feeling well this week. I'm going to be taking food to school tomorrow for my US History class. And I'm taking in the entire presentation because I'm not sure that the other two guys in my group will actually do their part. Keeping my blog short because I have other things I need to be working on. 


Feel loved and safe.
A Thiarna, dean trocaire.

:)

To put it simply. A smile is how today went. Classes were easy and I felt smart this afternoon by having answers to questions in U.S. History. Talked to Sara when I could and we laughed as usual.  She saved me from a hug I really didn’t want and I even tried to avoid it. I’m sitting in my living room now watching tonight’s new “Glee” episode by myself and kinda bummed I won’t be talking to Sara til later. If I get to talk to her at all. I did however get to talk to my sister on the phone tonight. :) It was a pleasant surprise for me. I’ve noticed that I seem to be the only one in my group who’s actually working on our project. I got my paper written up today now all I have to do is type it up and put together my part of the slide show. I’m tempted to write up the rest of the paper and just tell Dr. Carter that I did the work and the others didn’t do any of it. I may let them present the parts they were supposed to present but I’m going to tell the teacher that the work was mine. I think it’s only fair that if I do the work that I get the credit. Don’t you? Well… now that I’m done with that rant I’ll try and come up with something interesting to say. I’m hoping that Sara can come over tomorrow so we can work on our debate presentation tomorrow. It would be fun to just hang out when we’re done too. Maybe go for a walk or play some frisball or something. We’ll see. For now I think I’m going to be done with my blog for the night.


Feel loved and safe.
A Thiarna, dean trocaire.

Hungry...

I'm hungry again... This is so random. Why am I always hungry? The life of a dancer I guess. NEW GLEE TONIGHT!!! So excited!!! Going to be watching it with Sara. Way to start the day, Pandora. Nothing like the "Pochontas" music to start me off. I went to a movie with my mom last night. We went to see "Rise" again since the first time was a wash. Very fitting that my Pandora is playing New Orleans jazz on Fat Tuesday. It's Mardi Gras today. I don't know what to write today. That keeps happening. I'm sitting here wishing I had snackage so I could make my tummy shut up... Hoping Sara can come over tomorrow so we can work on our debate stuff for class on Thursday. Going to be a short blog. Not much happening. 


Feel loved and safe.
A Thiarna, dean trocaire.

EPIC DAY!!!

I couldn’t WAIT for this afternoon. I woke up in super good mood and it made the day go super slow because I wanted the time to go faster so I could see Sara and take her ice skating for the first time. I’m proud of her because she only fell two and half times. :) I’m sure with some practice she’ll get the hang of it in no time. We left the rink pretty early and came home to watch the video from one of my competitions. After it was over we just kind of sat in the living room for a while. We decided to go play frisbee in the street in front of my house and invited my neighbors to come play with us. My neighbor had the ‘genius’ idea to add another layer of epic to the game and brought out a soccer ball. So we’re standing in the middle of the street kicking a soccer ball and throwing a frisbee. We got tired of throwing the frisbee and decided to play a little game of soccer. The game ended in a tie and Sara and I were both sweaty and out of breath. We had a lot of fun. The worst part was having to take her home. :( I hate saying bye. Even if it’s only for a couple of hours it’s still the worst part of the day. My feet are hurting but my pain level is NOTHING like it used to be. I love my new shoes. They’ve made my back feel so much better and helped improve my posture so now I’m physically taller. My mom gave me some jobs to do tomorrow so I’ll be a little busy but I’m going to have fun while I do them. I’m trying to think positively about things now.


Feel loved and safe.
A Thiarna, dean trocaire.

Go beyond the surface...

I’ve just been thinking about the way the world sees people. Look a little deeper and you might see that people are hurting. Or that they’re really excited or happy. A look on someone’s face may say one thing but on the inside they’re feeling completely different. It’s just a thought but you should try it sometime…

It's a bit rantish. Be prepared.

So my plans for the day changed on me. Weird how that happens huh? It’s kind of ok though. Gives me time to do some other things instead. :) I just hope that tomorrow’s plans don’t change. That would make me super sad. :( Had a really super good dream last night. Made me smile. Woke up feeling great and, surprisingly, i still have a voice. After all the screaming I did at the show last night I thought for sure it would be gone this morning. I never quite realized just how rude people can actually be to each other. There was a problem with the seating in the balcony which is where myself and two of my friends were assigned to usher. You must understand none of us have ever done that before. People were getting mad because the seats were double booked in some places and were getting frustrated with the ushers for it. Some people were even yelling at a 13 year old girl over it. I mean really?! What’s up with that? And the poor performers. They were amazing despite the rude comments of the audience. Those of us in the audience that understood what the performers were going through screamed twice as loud as we normally do to back up the actors. Some members of the audience had enough nerve to tell performers how to do their jobs. There were some technical difficulties and so the show had an early intermission to try to correct them. It shocked me to see so many people just walk right out the door and not come back. They hadn’t even gotten to the best part of the show yet. My friends and I strategically placed ourselves so that we could see the whole stage and screamed our heads off every time we felt it was necessary. By the end of the night we all had sore throats and when we went to meet the performers after the show some of the ones we know said to us, “Scream much?” so we know they heard us. I went backstage after the audience had left and a few of the other performers mentioned to me that they appreciated our enthusiasm. So I know we were heard. Most audiences don’t realize how much their energy affects the way the actors feel. If an audience is having a good time and interacts with the performance in a positive way then the actors feel that and want to make it an even better performance. But if the audience is dead and has no response to anything, it makes the actors feel like they aren’t doing as well and the show tends to have problems. So for the actors who noticed my friends and I screaming, I’m glad we could give them a positive boost in the midst of so much negativity. 

Now, on to what to do today. I’m thinking I’m supposed to get together with my friend to do some homework. We’ll be doing that over the internet. :) Loads of fun there. Not quite sure what else will be happening today. Might ask if I can go riding. Haven’t done that in ages. Hope I haven’t forgotten what I learned last time I was there. I think I’m done ranting for now. Have a great day.

Feel loved and safe. 

A Thiarna, dean trocaire.

It's been a day...

It's been a day of up and down. Which is weird but true. It's weird because I spent most of the day with Sara. Every chance we got we were together. I think we need each other to keep each other really happy. We make each other laugh. I must say I really enjoy having a friend like Sara. We're trying to figure out when we can get together to work on our debate for school next week. Tomorrow is going to be a long day. I'm going to be ushering "The Wiz" tomorrow night but I don't know what I'll be doing for the day. I want to go get my skates sharpened so I can go skating with Sara on Sunday. Need to find out the pro-shop schedule. I should probably call them. I ate dinner alone. I've been sitting at home alone since just after 5. My parents just got home. I had several people ask me about my shoes today. I love my new shoes. I'm feeling great tonight after wearing them all day. I'm blogging but I don't really have much to talk about. My phone shut itself off again today after it hadn't done that for a couple of weeks. I was hoping the problem had resolved itself a little but I guess not. Don't know what else to write right now. Other than that in the last week, Sara and I have talked on Skype video for 27 hours, 14 minutes, and 28 seconds. Nice huh? I enjoy it. 


Feel loved and safe. 
A Thiarna, dean trocaire.

19 hours, 10 minutes, 27 seconds

In a week. That's how much I've talked to Sara. I love it. I don't think I've ever talked to anyone that much before. At least not online. It's so much fun though. We stay up til really late at night and just laugh. I'm looking forward to being able to talk to her while I'm in California with my sister so they can "meet" each other. It's going to be super fun. Today I will be cleaning the kitchen in exchange for my new Vibram Five Finger shoes that my dad got for me. On the upside, I can take my laptop into the kitchen and talk to Sara while I clean. We're trying to plan a fun day on Sunday. Maybe go ice skating. Got to keep my blog short because I have to clean. I'll write more later.


Feel loved and safe.
A Thiarna, dean trocaire.